Summary: Inspired by Kyomamushi from rayemars 'Ripple Effect'. Found on lj here or on FF.net here. Pure crack and speculation.
In a Hidden village like Konoha, many otherwise secret facts about ninja are common knowledge to the general population. Even children who don't attend the Academy know about chakra channels, bloodlines and that the short, blond, troublemaking kid really is a monster. Adults know the about whos teaching who, the level tests, the forbidden scrolls and who the current ANBU members are. It's almost impossible to keep a secret in Konoha.
However, some things are less widespread. The various aspects of holding a contract with an animal spirit; specifically the traits acquired by the users.
Spider summoners often got the urge to take up some form of knitting, sewing or embroidery. Cat summoners may feel inclined to take naps in the sun or buying more fish and milk than they think they could possibly consume. Kakashi found his hearing and sense of smell sharpening (although thankfully he didn't lose any color vision in his eye) and all the rookies knew how lucky Naruto could be in a game of chance.
Sometimes it spilled over into relations between people. While Kakashi had never had any problem with Rin, he noticed how the Aburame took to avoiding Jiraiya and later Naruto after he came back. Sometimes it got so bad the team had to be broken up permanently (that's what happened to Iruka's team, one was a cat, the other a bird summoner). Some even suggested that particular tension was what destroyed the Sannin (never confirmed or denied by Jiraiya and Tsunade).
Still, Kakashi never had a problem until he agreed to take in Sasuke.
It wasn't a case of personal conflict. Kakashi had picked up almost nothing from his contract creatures and while Sasuke had learned a lot of things from Sound, most of things happened to be forbidden jutsu or information and thus hardly affected his daily behavior. He might have picked up more aloofness and arrogance from the snakes (maybe his body temperature was a bit lower than usual and don't forget the fangs as well), but he already had so much of it that it didn't make any difference and besides, Kakashi was already used to Sasuke's attitude. (And as long as he didn't use up all the hot water in the morning. Then all bets were off.)
No Sasuke wasn't the problem (or at least, no more than he always had been).
"Hsss, hsss, hsss!"
"Oh yeah! Come over here and say that, you overgrown worm! I bet you can't take me on!"
"Hss, hss! Hsssssssss!"
"Yeah, well your mother wears shoes!" (1)
A viper who weighed at least as much as Kakashi did and took up twice the space lunged at Pakkun. Kakashi leaned down and yanked the small dog out of the way.
"Echidna-san, what have I told you before?" A raspy voice came from his kitchen. (2)
"Hss, hsss. Hssssssss."
"If you want to stay, you're going to have to behave. We're the guests here." Sasuke came out, placed two plates and one bowl of milk on the table. Another bowl full of leftovers from whatever he'd been cooking was set on the floor.
"Hsss." If Kakashi didn't know better, he would have thought the serpent was bobbing it's head apologetically at his student. Certainly it took the first opportunity to wind itself like a constrictor around that thin body. He almost pulled the snake off of Sasuke, but the boy waved him off.
No, the problem was that Sasuke had such a strong connection with his summons. The only other person with a contract with snakes in Konoha was Anko and her bond wasn't half as strong. Sasuke might not have been as close to his snakes as Orochimaru had been, but he was a near second. In fact, it was far stronger than Kakashi's own with the dogs.
And they liked to visit more often than the dogs did. Other than Pakkun, one or another of the dogs might drop by every other month. At least one snake came by to say hello every day. The apartment acquired a slight musk, barely noticeable even to Kakashi and dispersed easily by a few minutes airing or a cigarette. The dogs however, took great offense to it. And some of the snakes were of an inconvenient size to say the least; Kakashi thought they were lucky not to have been thrown out the day Jormugand had stayed for the night. (3)
Sasuke ignored the dogs. Which is good, because the dogs certainly didn't like him. They seemed to smell what he was (although Kakashi certainly hadn't noticed anything unpleasant) and went out of their way to annoy him. Or had until the snakes had interfered. Kakashi still didn't know how Quetzacoatl (4) had managed to set Skoll (5) on fire, especially since it had no hands (it had wings though), but that had brought an end to any direct actions against either of the shinobi. The snakes, while not being polite had at least avoided trying to kill him in his sleep, but he was sure it had only been a matter of time.
Thankfully, the meal finished without any incidents. With a bit of urging, Sasuke managed to convince Echidna to stay on the couch and Pakkun stayed in the living room. "To keep an eye on the treacherous worm," he said.
Now if only he could block his ears.
"You'd think my master would have a bit more taste. Why'd he agree to look after a worm of all people?"
"And what good would fangs be?" Kakashi could think of plenty of things fangs were good for.
"Hsss, hsssss. Hss, hss, hss."
"Your master's cold as ice. I hope he freezes solid one night." On the other hand, it meant the normally aloof Sasuke would unconsciously seek out cuddles when it got cold. That certainly was something not to be missed.
"And he probably stinks like the rest of you worms."
Well, Kakshi hadn't noticed anything. Rolling over to curl against Sasuke's back, he buried his nose in thick, black hair. A bit of spice and something almost like pine but definitely not unpleasant. He sighed and let the rhythm of Sasuke's breathing lull him to sleep.
Tomorrow he'd start looking for a larger apartment. He didn't want to be woken up by the argument that would occur when the snakes and the dogs found out they were sleeping together.
(1) Taken from Patricia C. Wrede's Calling on Dragons. Cats insulting each other.
(2) Greek monster, upper half woman, lower half snake. Mother of Monsters (Grey Sisters, Gorgons, Medusa) with Typhon.
(3) Norse monster, the serpent who encircles the earth, child of Loki Lie-Smith. Will slay and be slain by Thor during Ragnarok.
(4) Mayan or Aztec God of the Sun. A winged serpent.
(5) Norse monster, wolf who will devour the sun during Ragnarok. Son of Fenrir, who is the child of Loki Lie-Smith.
No, I have no idea why I gave the summons those names.
Incidentally, is anyone in this group interested in signing up for the Kakasasu pairing on 30_kisses? I was thinking of doing so, but I've already got one pairing and have only recently joined the Naruto fandom, so I thought it might be polite to let everyone else have a first crack at it.